I’ve been thinking a lot of my happiness lately and I have to say that I’m very happy. When I was younger, I didn’t realize how easy it was to just be happy and smile. Smiling takes the edge off the side of your lips and makes you feel good all around. I always struggled with being okay with who I am and what I can offer to the world. The struggle for happiness was real and I wasn’t sure if I could ever be in my happy state right now without my battle with depression and anxiety.
Depression and anxiety are horrible combinations of evils that I wish no one has to ever experience. The guilt, shame, tired, and pitiful feelings that infests your mind is a hideous enemy that attacks the “good” person underneath. I became my worst self in depression and anxiety to the point where I was the toxic person that no one wanted to be around. I was grumpy, rude, inconsiderate, and selfish. I only thought about MY pain, MY suffering, and MY struggles. I didn’t pay attention to how my choices were impacting those around me.
I made a lot of mistakes that I now regret. I regret my poor reactions and inaction of handling certain scenarios and problems. I dumped all my negativity on others and drove people away with my drama and pettiness. I was a passive-aggressive monster and I’m not proud of it.
But I am proud of changing and morphing into the person that God wants me to be. I’m proud of the choices in meeting new people, embarking on a new journey with Jesus, and taking care of my mental heath. I’m proud of the fact that I’m building a life that will leave a legacy in leadership and fellowship. I embrace redemption and give gratitude to the wonderful people in my life. I still have a long way to go to become the person that I want to be in terms of godliness, love, and gratitude.
I humbly recognize my faults but welcome ongoing change. I cannot remain stagnate anymore. I cannot let circumstances or situations get in the way of happiness. Happiness is a choice and that is something that comes within yourself first.
So choose yourself, choose God, and choose happiness.