I had a breakdown last week and I thought I was a lot stronger than I was before. It only took one trigger for my body to go in panic and tears to rain down my face like a flood. I thought I was over the “freaking out” over the stupid things or ghosts from the past. I thought I wasn’t so scared anymore but sometimes things happen and you make mistakes. My breakdown made me realize that I wasn’t fully recovered from my past or my fears. I’m grateful I have people in my life that stood by me and checked on me even when I was spiraling down into the pit of negative. Seriously, I’m not sure where I would be without these amazing people in my life.
The past week I let my breakdown define my actions. It was my excuse for not eating, for not concentrating on homework, and falling apart. I allowed my mind to rewind the past like I was living it again. It was stupid of course but my mind couldn’t stop thinking. It was as if my mind became a forest fire that devoured me from one small flame. Maybe it was just a combination of small things that made me break down or just my mind being weak. For whatever reason, I wasn’t paying attention to my mental health.
I was kind of lost for awhile. I didn’t know how to feel or how to come back to life. I wasn’t really me anymore. I couldn’t feel joy even when I was with friends. My brain fell back into depression. It sucked but at least its climbing back out of it. At least my brain is becoming more resilient with each breakdown. It just means its time to take care of myself rather than trying to dissolve my problems into helping others.
It’s time I start seeing a different perspective.